Ordinary Radicals

You may have noticed that I refer to my wife and I on the banner of this blog as “ordinary radicals.” Honestly, that bit is somewhat embarrassing to me. I should make it clear that “radical” is not something we consider ourselves, but rather a label placed on us by others when they found out we were quitting our jobs and moving to the other side of the world. In fact, we are painfully aware that there is nothing exceptional about us. We are not uniquely qualified or especially gifted – if anything, we are completely ordinary. But then I guess it isn’t the person that’s important or special; it’s ones response to God that makes all the difference.

I guess what we did only seems radical because it flips on its head what society tells us is normal. You’re simply not supposed to give up comfort and safety. Getting rid of your home and your stuff seems crazy. Leaving family and friends is just stupid. Believe me, I still have plenty of days when it looks like that to me too.  But if you look at things through heaven’s eyes rather than the world’s, then what we did is completely normal. After all, who dares to say “No” to the God of the entire universe? That would be insane, right? 

If God, your Creator and King, prompted you to do something...something difficult…even something that sounded crazy…you would say, “OK Lord, here I am. Count me in.,” wouldn’t you? Isn’t obedience to your Savior, the one who bought you at a high price, worthy of taking a risk for? Sure, it’s hard. It’s costly as well. But it’s good. I love the line from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. While discussing Aslan the lion (a symbol for Christ), one of the children asks, “Is he – quite safe?”  The reply: “Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he’s not safe. But he’s good. He’s the King I tell you.”

When we told people what we were doing, so many responded by saying, “Well I’m sure glad God called you to do this, because if He had called me, I would’ve said ‘No’.” I admit, it’s always easy to come up with reasons not to do something that’s difficult or uncomfortable. I came up with several reasons not to come to Indonesia before finally giving in. But for me, it comes down to this: Does God truly love me? And believe me when I tell you that this question has often topped the list of my particular struggles. Not, does He love me like my wife loves me…or my parents…or the way my friends love me; but rather, does God love me absolutely and completely like He claims in the Bible? If I say I believe that the Bible is God’s Word and it is true, then His love for me must be true as well. And if His love for me is true, then I can truly trust Him. I can be confident that whatever His plans for me might be, they will most definitely be in my best interest. 

Then I consider how many times in my life I have ignored God’s Plan A and chosen my own Plan B. As I look back at those times, I cringe. Not once, not one single time did Plan B ever work to my advantage! In many cases following my own way cost me dearly. Other times were just a waste of time. So the way I see it, “No Lord” is a response that should never cross a believer’s lips. If you say “No,” then He’s NOT your Lord. Imagine refusing the One who gave you life and sustains every moment of it. The One who not only made you but bought you back at the price of His own Son.  Saying “No” to HIM is nothing short of audacious rebellion.  At that moment, you are grieving the Holy Spirit and have stepped outside of His will for you. You have made yourself Lord. And frankly, you make a lousy Lord. So do I…I’ve tried.

Quite honestly, given the mess I’ve made of things in the past, I’m simply too scared to give my own lordship another go. I’ve been broken and redirected back to Him too many times to want to stray again. Don’t get me wrong, I still make mistakes. But that’s where confession, grace and forgiveness come in. I think God is more concerned with my obedience to Him than my perfection. So if obedience to my Master is radical or extreme in the eyes of the world…okay. You can just call me God’s “yes-man” from here on out. After all, He’s the King I tell you.

The Stress Test

In 1967, a couple of doctors named Holmes and Rahe developed a stress inventory designed to measure the amount of stress you’ve experienced in the last year—or two (depends on the website you look at). It consists of 43 events one might experience during their life and you simply check off the ones that have applied to you during that time. Each event carries a certain point value (which they called Life Change Units) and then you just add them all up when you’re done. For instance, the death of a spouse is 100 points while a traffic ticket is only 11 points. Marriage falls right in the middle with 50 points; however, it’s unclear whether they meant getting married or simply being married. I think they may lean toward the latter since, oddly enough, reconciling a broken marriage somehow gets you 45 stress points. But before you start thinking that one’s stress would decline to simply allow the relationship to crater, you should be aware that divorce is the second highest ranking stress event on their test earning a whopping 73 points and marital separation is number three at 65 points.

Well, seeing as my life has been extremely “eventful” over the last 18 months, I was curious what my stress level might be. Before I tell you my score, you should know the grading system. Apparently the goal is to score less than 150 points—finally a test you want to score low on. This means you would only have a 35% chance of having a stress-related illness or accident in the next two years. A score between 150 and 300 raises that chance to 50%. Anything over 300 points is bad—it means you have an 80% chance of suffering some sort of stress-related illness/accident including heart attack, stroke or even cancer. So, after taking this test (and leaving out the married part since I’m iffy on what they meant) I scored a through-the-roof stress quotient of 642! 

Now I suppose I should be concerned about scoring so high, but I’m not, and I’ll tell you why. First of all, in my humble opinion, the test is in technical terms…whack! For one, the test is far too generalized to be completely accurate. Not only could the average person probably come up with a variety of things that are currently causing them stress that don’t appear on the list, but the items that are listed lack any kind of range in degrees. For instance, “changing residence” gets you 20 points. Surely the makers of the test realize that not all moves are created equal. I might agree with that score if I were moving from Dallas to Austin. But if I’m moving from Dallas to Boston, I would expect to garner a few extra points. After all, there’s a certain culture change that comes with a move from the south to the east coast. Now suppose you move from Dallas to Southeast Asia. I think that justifies bumping “changing residence” way up the list. In all fairness, I think the test can account for some of the culture stress that accompanies a long-distance move by checking such boxes as “change in living conditions,” “change in recreational habits,” “change in social activities,” and “change in eating habits.” But it just seems to me that a decent test should have some sort of sliding scale that varies from routine to extreme. For example, when you’re talking about an international move, you will probably want to account for things associated with culture shock including learning a new language, adopting new customs, change in driving conditions/rules, inability to communicate, suddenly becoming a minority (racially, economically, and religiously), distance from one’s friends, guilt from family, homesickness, and just an all-around feeling of stupidity that comes along with trying to accomplish such mundane tasks as grocery shopping, buying paint, or getting your Vespa filled with gas. 

I could also argue the vagueness of this test for the event labeled simply “pregnancy,” which will earn you 40 points. Is this for a normal, baby-came-on-time-with-no-complications pregnancy? What if you’ve experienced two pregnancies during this time period—one ending in a miscarriage on Christmas Day and the other as a high-risk pregnancy ending in a child with a birth defect? How many points do I get now? I realize that this is a just generalized test and was never intended to accommodate all scenarios, but if I’m going to accurately gauge my stress level, this test ain’t gonna cut it.

Also, there are certain things that specifically apply to my wife and I that are missing from the test. Oddly, there is absolutely no mention of anything that covers stressors such as fund-raising, visa applications, spiritual warfare, the daily 4am call to prayer, parasites, fungal infections, volcanic eruption, living with 9 teen-aged girls, using “squatty” potties, or the fact that the nearest McDonald’s is a pothole-filled, stomach-churning, two hour drive away. Checking all those boxes would surely make my score much higher! C’mon…just celebrating Christmas or going on vacation gets you a dozen points.

I suppose if a test included all the things my wife and I have dealt with in the last year and a half (many of which we continue to deal with), my score would be well over 1000 points. According to Holmes and Rahe, I should be seeking emergency counseling and taking a monster daily dose of Prozac before I give myself a coronary. Despite that, I feel fine. Sure, I have my bad days. Who doesn’t? And I certainly have my share of “culture” days living in Indonesia. But shouldn’t a proper test also include a variety of positive attributes that help one to cope with life stress such as a laid-back personality; an ability to adapt to change; supportive family; being part of a helpful, empathetic community; a willingness to share one’s struggles; and most importantly, a strong faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. Surely checking those boxes would help knock that score down to a more manageable and accurate level, right?

So, doctors, I mock your test. Oh, it may have some worth in gauging a general stress level, but the majority of the 43 events are something that individuals have some degree of control over anyway (which alone should be comforting). But better than that, I have God on my side…what shall I fear? How about you? Take the test and see what you think….

http://www.harvestenterprises-sra.com/The%20Holmes-Rahe%20Scale.htm

When God Showed Up to Class

One of the more frustrating parts of my job has been teaching. While I’m here as a dorm parent, my visa states that I am a teacher and so I’m therefore required to teach as well.  It’s not that all teaching has been frustrating, some has actually been really fun. But as someone who has never taught in a secondary school before, it has definitely been challenging.  

In particular, my Photography class was the roughest. It’s certainly not the subject that annoys me—I love photography—it’s the kids. My first semester here I taught Graphic Design and my class was comprised of 11^th and 12^th-graders. They were interested in the subject, respectful, attentive to direction, and did their best. But the second semester I taught 9^th and 10-graders who, for the most part, only took my course as a means of staying out of choir class. Many of the students had little interest in photography or doing the assignments. In particular, the boys were immature, rowdy, and apparently deaf to my voice. And one girl seemed to feed off the boys’ need for volume and invariably ended up screaming for no particular reason except to make herself noticed. 

On the night of the school play, I planned to do an exhibit of some of my students’ photography. So, in class, I went to each student and picked out their best image and discussed the ways in which the photo could be improved, corrected and retouched. All each student had to do to achieve an “A” for the assignment was to follow my directions. That’s not difficult…right? The teacher says, “Do _______ and you will get an A. Don’t do it and you will not be in the exhibit.” It’s a no-brainer. The results? Several followed directions exactly. Others followed my instructions more or less. And a few decided to go their own way. They either chose a completely different (a.k.a. worse) image or refused to make the required changes to the image I chose, instead choosing to make some crazy alterations that actually ruined a perfectly decent picture.

I found myself extremely frustrated and asking, “What is this? This was not what we discussed. If you had followed my directions, your photo would be finished and would look great. But this is not going to work and needs to be redone. Try again.” But in my head I was screaming, “Why would you do this? You just made things worse! Why didn’t you just listen to me? I know what I’m doing. I know better than you do! I have a lot of experience in this. You barely have a clue what you’re doing. When you do what you think is best you just ruin it!” Bing. At that moment, wrecked print in my hand, a light comes on. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55: 8-9).

I actually began laughing to myself. I wonder how many times God has wondered what in the world I was doing. How many times has He observed me from His heavenly throne and shook His head in discouragement at the way I was wrecking a perfectly good blessing. How many times has He thought, “Ben! What were you thinking? If you had just followed Me, everything would’ve worked out great. I had it all set up for you, but you went and did your own thing. You have no idea what you’re doing. You don’t realize that doing things that way is going to end up really badly. Please pay more attention to My class!” Yep, that’s me. I’m the loud one in God’s class….too busy blabbing on and on about nonsense that seems important to me….all the while I’m only drowning out the voice of God and completely missing His instructions. 

The effect of this “ah-ha” moment is that I become more patient with my kids because I can totally identify with their flaws that frustrate me, which in turn causes me to be a better teacher. 

Thank you Lord for those teachable moments when you turn on the light in my head and I realize that the very thing that was pushing my buttons was divinely appointed to enlighten me and bring me closer to You.