Ordinary Radicals

You may have noticed that I refer to my wife and I on the banner of this blog as “ordinary radicals.” Honestly, that bit is somewhat embarrassing to me. I should make it clear that “radical” is not something we consider ourselves, but rather a label placed on us by others when they found out we were quitting our jobs and moving to the other side of the world. In fact, we are painfully aware that there is nothing exceptional about us. We are not uniquely qualified or especially gifted – if anything, we are completely ordinary. But then I guess it isn’t the person that’s important or special; it’s ones response to God that makes all the difference.

I guess what we did only seems radical because it flips on its head what society tells us is normal. You’re simply not supposed to give up comfort and safety. Getting rid of your home and your stuff seems crazy. Leaving family and friends is just stupid. Believe me, I still have plenty of days when it looks like that to me too.  But if you look at things through heaven’s eyes rather than the world’s, then what we did is completely normal. After all, who dares to say “No” to the God of the entire universe? That would be insane, right? 

If God, your Creator and King, prompted you to do something...something difficult…even something that sounded crazy…you would say, “OK Lord, here I am. Count me in.,” wouldn’t you? Isn’t obedience to your Savior, the one who bought you at a high price, worthy of taking a risk for? Sure, it’s hard. It’s costly as well. But it’s good. I love the line from C.S. Lewis’ The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. While discussing Aslan the lion (a symbol for Christ), one of the children asks, “Is he – quite safe?”  The reply: “Safe? Who said anything about safe? ‘Course he’s not safe. But he’s good. He’s the King I tell you.”

When we told people what we were doing, so many responded by saying, “Well I’m sure glad God called you to do this, because if He had called me, I would’ve said ‘No’.” I admit, it’s always easy to come up with reasons not to do something that’s difficult or uncomfortable. I came up with several reasons not to come to Indonesia before finally giving in. But for me, it comes down to this: Does God truly love me? And believe me when I tell you that this question has often topped the list of my particular struggles. Not, does He love me like my wife loves me…or my parents…or the way my friends love me; but rather, does God love me absolutely and completely like He claims in the Bible? If I say I believe that the Bible is God’s Word and it is true, then His love for me must be true as well. And if His love for me is true, then I can truly trust Him. I can be confident that whatever His plans for me might be, they will most definitely be in my best interest. 

Then I consider how many times in my life I have ignored God’s Plan A and chosen my own Plan B. As I look back at those times, I cringe. Not once, not one single time did Plan B ever work to my advantage! In many cases following my own way cost me dearly. Other times were just a waste of time. So the way I see it, “No Lord” is a response that should never cross a believer’s lips. If you say “No,” then He’s NOT your Lord. Imagine refusing the One who gave you life and sustains every moment of it. The One who not only made you but bought you back at the price of His own Son.  Saying “No” to HIM is nothing short of audacious rebellion.  At that moment, you are grieving the Holy Spirit and have stepped outside of His will for you. You have made yourself Lord. And frankly, you make a lousy Lord. So do I…I’ve tried.

Quite honestly, given the mess I’ve made of things in the past, I’m simply too scared to give my own lordship another go. I’ve been broken and redirected back to Him too many times to want to stray again. Don’t get me wrong, I still make mistakes. But that’s where confession, grace and forgiveness come in. I think God is more concerned with my obedience to Him than my perfection. So if obedience to my Master is radical or extreme in the eyes of the world…okay. You can just call me God’s “yes-man” from here on out. After all, He’s the King I tell you.

The Stress Test

In 1967, a couple of doctors named Holmes and Rahe developed a stress inventory designed to measure the amount of stress you’ve experienced in the last year—or two (depends on the website you look at). It consists of 43 events one might experience during their life and you simply check off the ones that have applied to you during that time. Each event carries a certain point value (which they called Life Change Units) and then you just add them all up when you’re done. For instance, the death of a spouse is 100 points while a traffic ticket is only 11 points. Marriage falls right in the middle with 50 points; however, it’s unclear whether they meant getting married or simply being married. I think they may lean toward the latter since, oddly enough, reconciling a broken marriage somehow gets you 45 stress points. But before you start thinking that one’s stress would decline to simply allow the relationship to crater, you should be aware that divorce is the second highest ranking stress event on their test earning a whopping 73 points and marital separation is number three at 65 points.

Well, seeing as my life has been extremely “eventful” over the last 18 months, I was curious what my stress level might be. Before I tell you my score, you should know the grading system. Apparently the goal is to score less than 150 points—finally a test you want to score low on. This means you would only have a 35% chance of having a stress-related illness or accident in the next two years. A score between 150 and 300 raises that chance to 50%. Anything over 300 points is bad—it means you have an 80% chance of suffering some sort of stress-related illness/accident including heart attack, stroke or even cancer. So, after taking this test (and leaving out the married part since I’m iffy on what they meant) I scored a through-the-roof stress quotient of 642! 

Now I suppose I should be concerned about scoring so high, but I’m not, and I’ll tell you why. First of all, in my humble opinion, the test is in technical terms…whack! For one, the test is far too generalized to be completely accurate. Not only could the average person probably come up with a variety of things that are currently causing them stress that don’t appear on the list, but the items that are listed lack any kind of range in degrees. For instance, “changing residence” gets you 20 points. Surely the makers of the test realize that not all moves are created equal. I might agree with that score if I were moving from Dallas to Austin. But if I’m moving from Dallas to Boston, I would expect to garner a few extra points. After all, there’s a certain culture change that comes with a move from the south to the east coast. Now suppose you move from Dallas to Southeast Asia. I think that justifies bumping “changing residence” way up the list. In all fairness, I think the test can account for some of the culture stress that accompanies a long-distance move by checking such boxes as “change in living conditions,” “change in recreational habits,” “change in social activities,” and “change in eating habits.” But it just seems to me that a decent test should have some sort of sliding scale that varies from routine to extreme. For example, when you’re talking about an international move, you will probably want to account for things associated with culture shock including learning a new language, adopting new customs, change in driving conditions/rules, inability to communicate, suddenly becoming a minority (racially, economically, and religiously), distance from one’s friends, guilt from family, homesickness, and just an all-around feeling of stupidity that comes along with trying to accomplish such mundane tasks as grocery shopping, buying paint, or getting your Vespa filled with gas. 

I could also argue the vagueness of this test for the event labeled simply “pregnancy,” which will earn you 40 points. Is this for a normal, baby-came-on-time-with-no-complications pregnancy? What if you’ve experienced two pregnancies during this time period—one ending in a miscarriage on Christmas Day and the other as a high-risk pregnancy ending in a child with a birth defect? How many points do I get now? I realize that this is a just generalized test and was never intended to accommodate all scenarios, but if I’m going to accurately gauge my stress level, this test ain’t gonna cut it.

Also, there are certain things that specifically apply to my wife and I that are missing from the test. Oddly, there is absolutely no mention of anything that covers stressors such as fund-raising, visa applications, spiritual warfare, the daily 4am call to prayer, parasites, fungal infections, volcanic eruption, living with 9 teen-aged girls, using “squatty” potties, or the fact that the nearest McDonald’s is a pothole-filled, stomach-churning, two hour drive away. Checking all those boxes would surely make my score much higher! C’mon…just celebrating Christmas or going on vacation gets you a dozen points.

I suppose if a test included all the things my wife and I have dealt with in the last year and a half (many of which we continue to deal with), my score would be well over 1000 points. According to Holmes and Rahe, I should be seeking emergency counseling and taking a monster daily dose of Prozac before I give myself a coronary. Despite that, I feel fine. Sure, I have my bad days. Who doesn’t? And I certainly have my share of “culture” days living in Indonesia. But shouldn’t a proper test also include a variety of positive attributes that help one to cope with life stress such as a laid-back personality; an ability to adapt to change; supportive family; being part of a helpful, empathetic community; a willingness to share one’s struggles; and most importantly, a strong faith in God’s goodness and sovereignty. Surely checking those boxes would help knock that score down to a more manageable and accurate level, right?

So, doctors, I mock your test. Oh, it may have some worth in gauging a general stress level, but the majority of the 43 events are something that individuals have some degree of control over anyway (which alone should be comforting). But better than that, I have God on my side…what shall I fear? How about you? Take the test and see what you think….

http://www.harvestenterprises-sra.com/The%20Holmes-Rahe%20Scale.htm

When God Showed Up to Class

One of the more frustrating parts of my job has been teaching. While I’m here as a dorm parent, my visa states that I am a teacher and so I’m therefore required to teach as well.  It’s not that all teaching has been frustrating, some has actually been really fun. But as someone who has never taught in a secondary school before, it has definitely been challenging.  

In particular, my Photography class was the roughest. It’s certainly not the subject that annoys me—I love photography—it’s the kids. My first semester here I taught Graphic Design and my class was comprised of 11^th and 12^th-graders. They were interested in the subject, respectful, attentive to direction, and did their best. But the second semester I taught 9^th and 10-graders who, for the most part, only took my course as a means of staying out of choir class. Many of the students had little interest in photography or doing the assignments. In particular, the boys were immature, rowdy, and apparently deaf to my voice. And one girl seemed to feed off the boys’ need for volume and invariably ended up screaming for no particular reason except to make herself noticed. 

On the night of the school play, I planned to do an exhibit of some of my students’ photography. So, in class, I went to each student and picked out their best image and discussed the ways in which the photo could be improved, corrected and retouched. All each student had to do to achieve an “A” for the assignment was to follow my directions. That’s not difficult…right? The teacher says, “Do _______ and you will get an A. Don’t do it and you will not be in the exhibit.” It’s a no-brainer. The results? Several followed directions exactly. Others followed my instructions more or less. And a few decided to go their own way. They either chose a completely different (a.k.a. worse) image or refused to make the required changes to the image I chose, instead choosing to make some crazy alterations that actually ruined a perfectly decent picture.

I found myself extremely frustrated and asking, “What is this? This was not what we discussed. If you had followed my directions, your photo would be finished and would look great. But this is not going to work and needs to be redone. Try again.” But in my head I was screaming, “Why would you do this? You just made things worse! Why didn’t you just listen to me? I know what I’m doing. I know better than you do! I have a lot of experience in this. You barely have a clue what you’re doing. When you do what you think is best you just ruin it!” Bing. At that moment, wrecked print in my hand, a light comes on. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55: 8-9).

I actually began laughing to myself. I wonder how many times God has wondered what in the world I was doing. How many times has He observed me from His heavenly throne and shook His head in discouragement at the way I was wrecking a perfectly good blessing. How many times has He thought, “Ben! What were you thinking? If you had just followed Me, everything would’ve worked out great. I had it all set up for you, but you went and did your own thing. You have no idea what you’re doing. You don’t realize that doing things that way is going to end up really badly. Please pay more attention to My class!” Yep, that’s me. I’m the loud one in God’s class….too busy blabbing on and on about nonsense that seems important to me….all the while I’m only drowning out the voice of God and completely missing His instructions. 

The effect of this “ah-ha” moment is that I become more patient with my kids because I can totally identify with their flaws that frustrate me, which in turn causes me to be a better teacher. 

Thank you Lord for those teachable moments when you turn on the light in my head and I realize that the very thing that was pushing my buttons was divinely appointed to enlighten me and bring me closer to You.

Fools For God

Note: This entry was actually written back in June...it is NOT currently happening. There are two reasons I include it now: 1) The purpose of this journal is to relay some of our experiences here in Indonesia, and 2) to praise God for bringing us through this event to where we are now (7 months into a healthy pregnancy). This entry was written in the midst of one of life's storms and is a bit hard for me to re-read because it immediately takes me back to that difficult week. Even so, it was a good week...a necessary and transforming week for our spiritual growth. And as bizarre as it might sound, looking back, it is also a time that Amy has described as one of the best weeks of her life. Mine too.

As I write this, Amy has been in bed for 3 days. Again, we are going through a time of testing and tribulation. You may remember that we have struggled with infertility for a few years. Last year, Amy became pregnant for the first time, but we lost the baby eleven weeks later in a scary rush to a third-world hospital during Christmas vacation. We found out in April that she is pregnant again. After doing the math, we realized that the due date was the exact same day we were in Bali last year losing our child. God truly is the Redeemer!

But 4 days ago, about the same time as the last, Amy began bleeding. Just a little at first -- then much more. Seeing that much bright red spill out of her uncontrollably struck us both with terror. Immediately came the tears and the cries of, “Dear God NO! Please, not again!” Perhaps you know this feeling—a raw, guttural mixture of anger, shock, and horror. It comes with a profound sense of helplessness and is then often followed by an action plan of some kind. How are we going to deal with this?

Our first reaction was to try getting a hold of a local doctor. We were told he was out of town. Then we tried contacting the doctor we had visited before in Semarang (2 hours away). He could not be reached. We truly had nowhere to go. And even if we did, the healthcare here is deplorable. It is likely that neither doctor has the knowledge or equipment necessary to fix things. It occurred to me that we had been put in a place where we had only one option, to trust in God. Had this happened in America, we would have rushed to the nearest hospital and had her checked out by a competent physician using the latest in imaging technology. Please don’t misunderstand, there is nothing wrong with going to the hospital. My point is this: In America, yes, we would also have prayed, but quite honestly we would’ve relied on modern medicine. Prayer and reliance are not always the same. Now, we had to rely solely on God for help. I can’t describe how humbling it is to be in a place of no other option but to lean on Him. That night was a hard night.

Amy stayed in bed all the next day. Movement seemed to increase the bleeding and pain. Though her condition had not changed, it was amazing how different our attitudes were. After much prayer, we both felt God was saying the same thing: First, I’ve allowed you to be in precisely this position so you will have to rely on me rather than try to “manage” the situation yourself. Second, are you going to trust that I am in control or are you going to trust in what you see and feel? {Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. (Heb. 11:1)} We chose to hope in God.

It would be easy to think, “That sounds a lot like denial to me. You’ve been through a previous traumatic event and you’re choosing to ignore what’s going on. It’s certainly an understandable reaction, but face facts, you know what’s happening.” Well, the fact is, I don’t know what’s happening. The only thing I know for sure is that God is with us. Now, I realize that all this may not work out the way we hope. This may end in many tears and much sorrow—that is real. But just as real is the knowledge that God is the Almighty Creator of heaven and earth. Nothing is too difficult for Him. {Behold I am the LORD, the God of all flesh. Is anything too hard for me? (Jer. 32:27)} That being the case, if our baby is slowly dying in my wife’s womb, can God fix that? Absolutely! What if the baby has already died? Yes. I believe He can fix even that. If you doubt that God can heal Amy’s bleeding or that He can raise a dead child back to life, I urge you to read Luke 8:40-56.

On the third day, Amy and I talked about how we’ve been praying for this child – that he or she would be set apart for God’s service. That he would lead a life that’s on fire for Him; an unquenchable light. That he would draw thousands to His Kingdom through his grace, truth, compassion, and mercy. But we felt like God was asking us: “I know you want this baby more than anything and that you have dedicated his life to me. But, if I choose to take this child now, even if you don’t understand why, will you still love me? Will you still serve me? Can you dedicate this child to me, even if it means death?” We answered, “Yes. We know we are only the blessed stewards of this child. He truly belongs to you. Do what you will Lord.” I can’t imagine a harder prayer to utter.

Now—day four—Amy remains in bed; still bleeding. We are at peace. We trust that God is here and He is in control. {“For the mountains may depart and the hills be removed, but my steadfast love shall not depart from you, and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,” says the LORD who has compassion on you. (Isa 54:10)} I fully realize that verse is not a promise that everything will happen the way we want it to. It is, however, a promise that He will be beside us through whatever happens. No matter how this turns out, we will serve Him and praise Him all the same. But in our hearts we truly believe that, despite appearances, everything will be okay. We will give birth to a healthy child in December.

But what if? What if we don’t have a baby in December? Won’t we look foolish for having such an unfounded hope? Did you read that passage in Luke? If so, what was the reason that the woman was healed and the child raised from the dead? Faith. And that is what God is trying to grow in us. {Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. (James 1:2-4)} Faith isn’t formed when everything’s going smoothly. So I can honestly say we have come to a place where we can actually thank God for what we’re going through right now. The truth is, I would rather be a fool for God—trusting in Him with my whole heart, even when I don’t understand His purposes, than have the foolish belief that I’m actually in control or that I know what’s best. {“The LORD is my portion” says my soul, “therefore I will hope in Him.” The LORD is good to those who wait for Him, to the soul who seeks Him. (Lam 3:24-25)}

The Monster Within

As Amy and I begin a new school year, we find ourselves surrounded by new students, new responsibilities, a new boss, and new rules. One of the main themes we plan to focus on this year is spiritual transformation of the heart. While it would be easier to simply regulate the behavior of our dorm girls through rules, rewards and punishment, it is far more productive to work on the source of their thoughts and desires. We all need to be re-formed from the inside out, rather than trying to transform ourselves by mimicking proper behavior.

The truth is humans seem hardwired to work backwards. We strive and toil at doing the right things and acting the right way in an effort to either become acceptable to God or to ourselves. Then we wonder why we’re still such a wreck. Why do I still have these thoughts? Why do I still do the things I know I shouldn’t do? Why do I still have all this emotional baggage that I can’t seem to dump?

The problem is that we think doing the things that a good person is supposed to do is the same as being a good person. In reality, there is a monster that lurks inside each of us—Scripture calls that monster “sin” or “the flesh.” We may be monsters that act nice, but we’re still monsters. In effect, we are all wolves in sheep’s clothing. We try to push down our sin so it won’t pop its ugly head out into the open where others can see it. Often we try to hide it from ourselves as well. But if we’re honest, we’re generally aware of the evil that lies in our hearts; we just don’t always know why it’s there or how to get rid of it. The usual method is to try and manage our sin. We try and keep it at bay by putting constraints on ourselves or by doubling our efforts to suppress it. “I’ll just do better next time,” we tell ourselves. We think that by acting right, we can keep the monster inside locked up. If you’ve got a man-eating tiger running loose in your house, you could “handle it” by locking it in one of the rooms, but a tiger in a cage is still a tiger! It’s not gone, it’s just waiting for you to crack the door.

Here’s an example of how this plays out in religion: It just so happens that the beginning of the new school year corresponds to the month of Ramadan—a month dedicated to the following of very specific rules. Ramadan is the most holy month of the Islamic year as it is believed to be the same month that God revealed the first verses of the Qur’an to Muhammad. It is also the month of fasting or sawm for all able, adult Muslims. Fasting is considered one of the five pillars of the Islamic faith along with confessing the faith, prayer, alms giving, and pilgrimage to Mecca.

This month-long fast probably isn’t what you think of when you think of fasting. Ramadan is not about starving yourself for a month. In fact, Muslims can eat before sunrise and after sunset, they’re simply prohibited from eating or drinking anything during daylight hours. Some very devout Muslims won’t even swallow their own spit. This act of depravation is supposed to redirect the heart away from worldly activities. It is meant to teach Muslims to practice submission to God, self-discipline, sacrifice, and empathy for those who are less fortunate – thus encouraging actions of generosity and charity. Muslims are expected to put more effort into following the teachings of Islam, to offer more prayers to Allah, and practice purity in both thought and action.

Muslims are also encouraged to read the entire Qur’an during this month. Many take part in special prayers at the mosque each night called tarawih in which the Qur’an has been divided into 30 sections and a part is read each night of the month. So, by the end of the month, they have heard the entire book.

Now, one would think that this extended time of focusing on holiness would inspire the best behavior in all who participate. But in actuality, this is a time of increased gluttony, theft, and begging. Studies show that Muslims consume more food during the fasting month than any other month. They gorge themselves before dawn in order to avoid hunger during the day, then they eagerly await the siren at dusk that signals the okay for digging into the evening celebration meal. Many will also change their work schedules so that they can work at night and sleep during the day, avoiding the fast altogether. And since Ramadan is supposed to bring increased awareness and charity for the poor, enterprising individuals come out of the woodwork to go begging door-to-door, knowing that people are not supposed to refuse them.

At the conclusion of Ramadan, a great 2 day feast takes place called Idul Fitri. The custom dictates that Muslims go home at this time to ask (and receive) forgiveness for the sins they’ve committed in the last year. They are to wear new clothes and give gifts to family and friends. It’s sort of like our Thanksgiving and Christmas all wrapped up in one mega-holiday. However, clothes and gifts cost money, so instances of theft skyrocket. Stores raise their prices, vendors try to cheat you, scams are common, and con artists try to talk their way into your house to see what’s worth stealing.

So what happened to submission to God, purity, and sacrifice? Unfortunately Islam is a faith driven by legalism—strict adherence to the letter of the law rather than the acceptance of God’s grace to affect a change of heart. Muslims never know where they stand with God. When they die, their eternal destiny is largely based on whether their moral credits outweigh their debits and, even then, God gets to decide the balance. So they go through life trying to earn God’s favor through works such as the five pillars I mentioned earlier. Finding loopholes in the law becomes an art form. Why wouldn’t someone cheat and steal during the holy month when all will simply be forgiven at Idul Fitri? Following religious law doesn’t change a person’s heart. At best it can only alter their behavior and generally does a poor job of that as well. Just read the Old Testament and see how well it worked for the Hebrews. Muslims, Jews, and far too often Christians, base their standing with God on an over-emphasis in discipline of conduct, pride, and superficiality, to the neglect and ignorance of God’s grace. This is religion based on works and is contrary to the teachings of Christ.

Sadly, Islam knows nothing of the love and grace of God; however, there is something about it to be admired. It is a cultural religion and influences their daily life, they are diligent in prayer, and they highly revere what they believe to be the Word of God. The truth is, even as a devoted Christian, I still find that my faith often falls short of what I want it to be, let alone where God wants it to be. I don’t pray as much as I should. I don’t read my Bible as often as I should. I don’t allow the Holy Spirit to permeate and guide my every action and thought throughout each day. I quite simply don’t cherish or stand in awe of God or His time, His presence, His love, His grace, His sacrifice, His will, His commands, or His Word anywhere near as much as I should or could. I’m finding that intending to do better just doesn’t work. I require a brand new desire—divinely implanted, not a more organized schedule. I need to give myself up. Die to self. Let Him live in me…through me. The rest will fall into place on its own.

The words ”Islam” and “Muslim” both come from the same root which means “submission.” And while it is a man-made religion based on distortions of the truth, the idea of total submission to God is correct. I pray that every day I would submit my whole life—every part of it—to God. The universal Christian church as well, now more than ever, needs to rediscover a genuine commitment, excitement and zeal for God and His Word. We need a renewed heart instead of rote outward obedience or some self-help (“sin management”) program. It isn’t enough to chain the tiger up. And don’t dare try to tame it. The only way to handle a tiger in your house is to put it down! Sin must not be tolerated, ignored or allowed to survive. To the degree we allow the Spirit to transform us on the inside, so will we conform to His likeness on the outside as well. The one flows from the other, but the heart must change first, then right action and obedience fueled by love will follow—not the other way around.

As a final note, please check out the video link below. While we don’t know the particular people in this video, we do know quite a few people who work in this ministry. The video shows the Kimyal people of West Papau receiving the first New Testament in their own language. I wish we were all this thrilled and passionate about receiving God’s Word. Why aren’t we?