Success in Reverse

In America, our definition of success is this: a well-paying job, big house, luxury car, money in the bank, going out to eat whenever and wherever we want, a closet full of threads from Ed Hardy, A|X, BCBG or Juicy Couture, vacations to white sand beaches, big screen TV, and an iPhone. The “American Dream” is sold on every TV show and in every magazine. We’re taught from the time we are young to want this lifestyle; it is the goal to achieve. So what does it mean NOT to achieve this definition of success? Is the opposite of this, failure? We compare ourselves to everyone in our social circle. And if we don’t stack up next to whomever, we feel unsatisfied. After all, aren’t we entitled to have what everyone else has? Somewhere down the line, we have bought into the idea that we are somehow diminished as a person if we don’t have the best clothes, the nicest car, or the biggest house. How sad that we measure our worth by designer labels, hood ornaments, and square footage.

By all accounts, my wife Amy and I were living the American Dream. We’d been happily married for 4 years, we owned and operated a successful business from our 2,500 sq. ft. home, and watched movies on our 72 inch projection system with Bose surround sound. We drove two cars, took exotic vacations, sunbathed by our pool, dined out, had a savings account, and spent time with great friends. The perfect life, right?

Yet something was missing. We weren’t unhappy, we just weren’t fulfilled. We had this nagging feeling that there should be more. Not more stuff. Not more money. Just more—life. From the outside, everything looked exactly how you’re told it should look. But on the inside, there was a vague sense of loss and emptiness. Our lives were racing by—and for what? Through authors like Timothy Keller, Francis Chan, John Piper, Gary Haugen, and Randy Alcorn*, we began to realize that the American Dream is a lie. A big con. We began to see our lives differently. We were a part of something much bigger. A greater truth was awakened—there is a difference between success and significance.

That was it! We didn’t feel our lives were significant, at least not in a make-the-world-a-better-place kind of way. We had been living our lives largely for ourselves. We’d been missing out on a grander, more meaningful life—a life dedicated to God’s work rather than our own. Sure we ran through the religious motions. We went to church each week, attended Bible studies, and even served in our church’s marriage ministry. But if we were really honest with ourselves, it was all a part of a legalistic lifestyle that served to make us feel secure and comfortable with the rest of our life. We saw our time and our money as our own. We earned it. We deserved it! But now, we wanted to make a real difference. We had learned that real significance comes from handing our lives over to God and by loving others. So we began to pray that God would open our eyes, open our hearts, and open up new opportunities for us to grow as individuals and as a couple. We promised that we would obey and submit to Him no matter what He asked. No matter what the cost, we would say “yes.”

One year later. We are fixing up our house to put on the market, we’ve given away one of our cars, and our business is for sale. It turns out God actually had a greater plan for us after all. He was just waiting for us to ask. So, in just four months, we will be moving to the island of Java in Indonesia to teach and work as dorm parents at a boarding school. We’ll be beginning a new life, with a new home, a new language, and a new goal—to live fully devoted and submitted to God. This isn’t to say it’s wrong to be successful or to have material things—we had simply been living life for ourselves, rather than for God. But if we had become certain about one thing it was this: anything not done with God’s Kingdom in mind is unimportant at best; at worst, it’s a complete waste. No wonder we’d felt that our lives were trivial and frivolous. It is God, not the world’s rat-race, who gives our lives meaning and purpose.

It turns out the opposite of success isn’t always failure, despite what it might look like to others. After all, what is success without substance? Success can be addictive and blind us to the truly important things in life. Instead of seeking happiness through getting everything we want, perhaps real happiness is found in simply learning to want less. When my wife and I finally decided to put our lives of material success in reverse, what we found was not failure, but rather a door to true success—a life of renewed significance.

*The books that made an impact us include Counterfeit Gods by Timothy Keller, Crazy Love and Forgotten God by Francis Chan, Don’t Waste Your Life by John Piper, Just Courage by Gary Haugen, and Money, Possessions & Eternity by Randy Alcorn (or for an abbreviated version, read Alcorn’s The Treasure Principle).